Coin Operated Boy
by One Mad Hat
Summary: Haruhi Fujioka finally got one of the new Companion dolls. Unfortunately, the order got a little mixed up... [AU, HunnyHaruhi]
1. Companion

Authors Notes: Hunny/Haruhi is my favorite alt-host pairing of the series, and I finally came up with an idea for a fic featuring it. Very much AU, but has manga-verse characters. Will contain Hunny/Haruhi, Tamaki/Ayame, Kasanoda/Renge, Nekozawa/Reiko, and Hikaru/Kaoru. So yes, this will contain a smattering of shounen-ai, although it's a bit different than normal. For those of you who don't know, Reiko and Ayame both appear in the manga. The title comes from a song by the Dresden Dolls.

Disclaimer: I no own. I no make money. Pity me.

-----

Chapter 1: Companion

"Billionaire Kyouya Otoori, head of the successful company Companions Inc., announced this morning they will be adding a new Companion to their male line-up. Called _Tamaki_, this new Companion will be released next week. In just a few hours time, pre-orders have broken the one-hundred thousand mark. Sales are expected to exceed one million by the end of the first week in production. In other news-"

_Bzzt!_ Haruhi clicked off the tv, sighing and running a hand through her short hair, causing it to stick up slightly. Her roomate, Reiko Kanazuki, looked over at the frazzled law student. "Something the matter?"

The younger girl shook her head, tossing the remote down on the coffee table in front of her. Nekozawa, Reiko's Companion, placed the remote back on top of the tv, then continued on with his ritual. Haruhi didn't want to know what he was doing, and hadn't asked.

"You know how I feel about Companions." Reiko frowned, and the brunette held up her hands. "I know, I know, but you care about your Nekozawa. I don't know how many cases of abuse, neglect, and mistreatment I've seen in the six months since I've started my internship at the firm. And this," she gestured towards the blank tv screen, Nekozawa nimbly ducking out of the way out of her wildly flailing hand, "is just perpetuating that. It's like- it's like Kyouya doesn't even _care_."

Kyouya, Reiko, and Haruhi had all attended high school and college together. What was surprising was that, unlike the first two, Haruhi was a 'commoner', while both schools had been prestigious, usually only catering to the rich. However, Haruhi had worked hard, and had been granted scholarships to both places. Now, almost out of law school, the 27 year old was finally making her way up in the world. She'd gotten an internship at a huge lawfirm, one of the most well-known (and hardest to get into) firms in the country. All by herself, even, although if any of her friends had offered to help she would have refused them.

Still, she hadn't made it as big as Kyouya, who'd started the company Companions Inc. about two years after he graduated, along with another of their classmates as an investor. Even though he'd still been in college, he'd somehow made time enough for his company, and propelled it into one of the biggest on the market. With his secret on how to make the living dolls firmly in his hands, he had no competitors. Even Haruhi, the top of their graduating class, hadn't been able to figure out how he'd done it. Then again, she'd majored in law, not electronics.

Reiko stood up from where she was kneeling on the other side of the coffee table, walking around to sit on the couch next to the shorter girl. "It's an uphill battle, but I know if you keep fighting, someday all Companions will have rights. They'll finally be protected." She shot a rare smile at Nekozawa, who returned it with his own sinister grin. Although it looked scary, Haruhi knew it held no malice. No; malice, hatred, anger, all of that was strictly on the 'forbidden' list of emotions for Companions. Every Companion was exactly that - a perfect companion. Which meant that, whenever an owner, or someone else, felt the urge to abuse their Companion, there was nothing stopping them from doing so. And there were far too many of those types of people out there. It was disgusting, in Haruhi's opinion.

She put her head in her hands, sighing. Nekozawa patted her on the knee and she smiled weakly at him, then looked back up at Reiko. "I'm... going to get some casework done."

Standing, she barely saw Reiko's nod before moving into her own room and closing the door behind her.

-----

The next day was not much better. It started with overcast skies, gray clouds hanging ominously overhead as Haruhi left for work. When she returned home, she found the apartment empty, a note from Reiko stating they had left for her parents estate for the weekend. Haruhi didn't blame her. It was cold and miserable outside, and with Haruhi in this kind of mood, the atmosphere in their place was not pleasant. She still wasn't sure why Reiko had moved in with her instead of getting a mansion or something nearby, but the minds of the wealthy had always been beyond her understanding.

Sticking an instant dinner in the microwave, she kicked off her shoes and prepared herself for a night of relaxation. Before she could chose what movie she wanted to watch (_Sixteen Candles_ or _Ju-On_, although Reiko claimed they were both horror movies), the phone rang. Holding back a frustrated growl, she picked it up, tempering her voice to a more calm level. "Hello?"

"HARUHI-KUN! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT!"

The brunette winced, holding the phone away from her ear as far as possible. It was Renge Houshakuji, another classmate from high school. They hadn't attended the same college, but they'd remained friends over the years, thanks to Renge constantly calling the petite girl.

After waiting a few seconds to make sure Renge wasn't going to suddenly bust her eardrums, Haruhi carefully brought the phone back up to her ear. "What am I not going to believe?" She quickly yanked the phone away again as incoherent (and loud) squealing came down the line. It stopped, and Haruhi sighed into the receiver. "If you're just going to yell all night, I'm hanging up."

In a more moderate tone (at least, moderate for her), Renge quickly said "No, no! I'm good! I just- this news is so _exciting_!"

Hearing the beep of the microwave, Haruhi padded over to it, carefully pulling out and stirring her dinner. "And what news is that?"

"Well, you know that new Companion model that was just announced yesterday?" Haruhi made a noise signaling that yes, she knew, and she wasn't very interested. Renge didn't get the hint. "I bought two of them!"

The law student nearly dropped her fork. "You _what_?"

"I bought two of them!"

"Renge, I thought you said your dad wouldn't allow you to buy another one after you tried to get rid of your Kasanoda."

Renge giggled. Haruhi did not like the sound of it. Renge giggling usually meant bad things. "They're not for me, silly! One is for Ayame-chan" another of their classmates, an intelligent girl who everyone had thought was going to marry Kyouya at one point before she dumped him at their engagement party, "and one for _you_!"

This time, Haruhi did drop her fork.

-----

Sitting down now, her dinner firmly placed upon the table (she didn't want to drop that as well), Haruhi pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let me go over this one more time. You bought two of the new Companion model dolls."

"Uh huh."

"For me and Ayame."

"Uh huh."

"You pulled in some favors with Kyouya, and they're supposed to arrive _tommorrow_."

"Uh huh." She thought she heard giggling on the other end of the line.

"And you did it because you think I need a man to make me be more girly."

"Uh huh." There was definitely giggling this time.

Haruhi groaned. "I'm not even going to point out all the things wrong with that statement." She let her (newly cleaned) fork drop onto the napkin next to her plate, switching the receiver to her other hand. "Look, can't you... send it back or something? Call and tell Kyouya that I don't want it?"

Renge tsked. Haruhi wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her. "No refunds, no returns. Nope, you're stuck with him." Haruhi groaned again. "Hey, look at it this way! This will give you more insight into how a Companion works, and how the relationship between a Companion and an owner is. Maybe that will help you with... you know, that rights thing you're always on about."

Haruhi knew when she was beat. "Fine, I give up." She wasn't a gracious loser, though. "Don't expect me to enjoy it, though. And you're off my Christmas card list." She hung up before Renge could respond, feeling a little bit better about the world.

-----

That feeling disappeared entirely the next day when she was awoken by a loud banging at the front door. Haruhi forced her eyes open, staring at the alarm clock on her bedside table. 7:23 a.m. Who could it be? Surely not Reiko coming back early, she had her own key anyway. Another bang, and Haruhi rolled out of bed, stumbling a little as she tried to put her robe on and walk at the same time.

When she opened the door, she wished she would have just stayed in bed.

It was a delivery man, who was looking a little stunned at her appearance. He quickly gathered himself and waved a clipboard at her. "Are you Haruhi Fujioka?" She grunted in the affirmative. He shoved the clipboard at her. She took it and stared blankly up at him.

"What am I signing for?"

He rolled his eyes, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at a large box. It had the Companions Inc. logo stamped on it. Haruhi was suddenly filled with icy dread. She almost shoved the board back at the guy and demanded he take the stupid thing away, but something inside her made her pause. _Renge's right. This experience... I could use this for the greater good._

When the delivery man cleared his throat, Haruhi signed the papers quickly, shoving them back at him. He took it and took off, happy to be away from there. Haruhi stared up at the box, then sighed, grabbing the edges and dragging it into the apartment.

"Time to see what all the fuss is about."

-----

Twenty minutes, and a lot of cardboard cuts on her fingers, later, she finally had the stupid box open. Inside was a metal case that was about her height, big enough to fit a person inside. She laid it down gently, not wanting the Companion to fall out whenever she opened it, and unlatched the lock, pushing the lid up.

Inside was a boy who looked to be fourteen at the most. He had short blond hair and an angelic face. She couldn't tell what color his eyes were, as they were currently closed.

Pulling out the certificate of authenticity, she blinked at what was written on it.

_Thank you for purchasing one of our handcrafted Companion dolls! This companion is here to love and take care of you, through all of life's trials!_

There are three modes to your Companion: friend, lover, and caretaker. You must chose one before you activate your doll for the very first time. Be careful what you chose, though! Once it's done, there's no resetting it yourself. If you wish to reset your Companion's state, you must send him back to the company. We cannot guarantee your Companion will remember anything of his time with you if this happens, though, so again, be careful!

You can chose your mode with the remote included with your doll, located in the compartment in the top of the case.

Haruhi looked at the case, realizing there was an opening on the inside of the lid. She stuck her hand in it and dug around, finally coming across something hard. Pulling it out, it was, indeed, a remote. It looked similar to Nekozawa's, but this one was white with pink flowers decorating it, instead of a glossy black. _How old is this model supposed to be? Five?_

She continued reading. _Below are the statistics for your new Companion, as well as the contact information for our company, in case you have any problems or concerns. Please, enjoy your Companion, and have a nice day!_

Name: Mitsukuni Haninozuka

"Wait a minute... Wasn't the new model named Tamaki? And when did they start giving them last names?" Haruhi blinked down at the paper. Something was off.

_Age: 18_ She breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wasn't going to be looked at as a pedophile or something. _Wait, pedophile? I'm only going to put him in friend mode. Ugh, stupid Renge, making things complicated..._

_Hair: Blond  
Eyes: Brown  
Zodiac Sign: Pisces  
Height: 148cm (4'10")  
Blood Type: AB  
Strong Subjects: Mathematics  
Favorite Food: Cake, strawberries, chocolate, sweet things  
Disliked Food: Carrot_

It went on to give the contact information for the company, but Haruhi stopped reading, gaze drifting down to the boy. Besides his short stature and youthful appearance, he really was perfect. Even those things were cute, although Haruhi wasn't too much into the loli-shota type. (In fact, she would deny that she had a _type_ at all.)

Turning her attention to the remote, she saw that there was only one button on it. "'Activate'? Where's the rest?" Turning it over produced nothing, and she sighed. "Far too troublesome..." She started checking in the case, careful not to disturb the doll too much, and when she found nothing she re-read the paper. It yielded no clues either, and she gripped the remote in cold hands. There was only one thing she could do.

Haruhi closed her eyes and pushed the button. And then it started to rain.


	2. Heart

Authors Notes: Hunny/Haruhi is my favorite alt-host pairing of the series, and I finally came up with an idea for a fic featuring it. Very much AU, but has manga-verse characters. Will contain Hunny/Haruhi, Tamaki/Ayame, Kasanoda/Renge, Nekozawa/Reiko, and Hikaru/Kaoru. So yes, this will contain a smattering of shounen-ai, although it's a bit different than normal. For those of you who don't know, Reiko and Ayame both appear in the manga. The title comes from a song by the Dresden Dolls.

Disclaimer: I no own. I no make money. Pity me.

-----

Chapter 2: Heart

The sky opened up, giving way to what it threatened to do earlier. The rain, however, was the last thing on Haruhi's mind. After a few moments, she blinked, then looked down at the doll. Nothing. Pressing the button a few more times, she waited five minutes before finally giving it up as a lost cause.

"Must have gotten a defective doll or some sort of prototype. Stupid Renge. Stupid Kyouya. Stupid me for going along with thi-"

Her rant gave way to a scream, then a crash and a thud, as lightning struck outside and thunder shook the building.

Huddling under the coffee table and nursing a bruised head, she couldn't stop the tears that formed as another roll of thunder passed through. It was all she could do to focus on her breathing, so she didn't notice when someone crawled under the table with her. She was hugged, pressed against a warm chest, and for a panic stricken moment she thought Reiko had come back. But no, Reiko had breasts. This chest was definitely lacking those.

She looked up, and screamed again. In her haste to scramble back away from the figure, she whacked her head again, and then everything went black.

-----

_It was always dark by the time her mother got home. Little Haruhi was used to it, for despite being so young she was an astoundingly mature child. She understood that her mother had an important job. She kept the world safe, just like the heroes on those stupid cartoons her father watched (while claiming that Haruhi had been the one who wanted to watch them in the first place). Her mother was a lot better than them, though, and far more real._

Tonight, she looked more tired than usual, and when Haruhi took the briefcase and set it beside the door, she could see the rings under her mother's eyes.

"How did it go?"

Her mother smiled at her, slipping off her shoes. "We're almost done. Just a few more days, and I'm confident that we'll get our bad guy."

Haruhi didn't know the details of her mother's cases; never did, not until after they were finished, and she was too young to fully comprehend most of them. There was one thing, however, that she got loud and clear. There were a lot of bad people in the world.

"Why are there people who do bad things? Don't they know that everything would be better if they didn't do them?"

Her mother ran a hand through Haruhi's hair, smiling sadly. "There will always be bad people in this world, Haruhi. That's why the world needs people like you and me, to protect those who are innocent..."

-----

When she came to, there was someone hovering over her. Her vision was blurry at first, and she squinted a bit, trying to make them out. _Blond hair... who...?_

Suddenly, it all came back into focus. For a brief moment, she wished that it hadn't.

The Companion was leaning over her, his face level with hers, a worried expression on his boyish features. She refrained from sitting up too quickly, as that would not only knock their heads together and make her headache worse, but sounds were also filtering in now, and she could hear the pitter-patter of rain on the window. No thunder again yet, though. One small plus.

"Are you okay?" His voice was smooth, beautiful, not at all something that a young boy would possess. She supposed that made the 'age' on the certificate the right one.

She realized he was staring at her, waiting for an answer. "I- I'm fine." Something was tugging at her mind, shouting _Look at me! Look at me!_, but she ignored it for the moment. "Are you... Were you the one who was hugging me?"

He nodded, and she could see relief reflected in those wide brown eyes. He seemed so... human. Nekozawa could pass for a human, all of the Companions could, but somehow this one was different. She didn't know _how_, she just knew he was.

He took her hand, and she let him help her sit up. She placed the other on her forehead, groaning slightly as the room span before settling into place again. She had a good knot on her head, and knew she'd have to be careful for the next few days. She was suddenly hugged again, from the side, but she was more prepared this time. "Don't do that again. You scared me."

A light blush settled on her cheeks, and she wondered at the strange behavior of the Companion. _They aren't normally this touchy-feely unless set on lover mode. But I didn't select any modes at all... there were none to choose. Did he just have a default?_ But he pulled away before she could think on it any farther, and he looked slightly different now. His eyes were wider, and there was some expression on his face that made him look younger.

"My name is Mitsukuni Haninozuka, but you can call me Hunny for short!" Haruhi could have sworn there were little flowers springing up around him out of thin air.

"R-right..." She was a little weirded out. No, scratch that, she was a _lot_ weirded out. Still, there wasn't much she could do about it but go with the flow. She belatedly realized she should introduce herself. "I'm Haruhi Fujioka."

She stood, being steadied by the shorter boy the whole time, then sighed and steeled herself. "This is your new home, Hunny-" She paused, looking down at him. He looked as if he would pout if she tacked on a 'san'. "...kun."

Giving him a short tour (it was a small apartment), she felt exhausted when she was finished, and sank onto the couch, leaning her head against the back. Hunny smiled cutely and placed a hand on her forehead. She blinked. "I'll go get you a glass of water and some asprin, Haru-chan. You just stay there and rest, okay?"

He took off. The phone rang, startling Haruhi badly, and she fumbled at the side of the couch before grabing onto the receiver, raising it to her ear with shaking hands. "Hello?"

It was Renge. She was mercifully speaking at normal tones, for once. Haruhi thought she really would have tracked the girl down and at least put her in some serious pain if she screamed. "Did it arrive yet?"

Haruhi switched hands, allowing herself to lay down and put her head on the arm rest. "Yeah. It's really strange, though. This isn't a Tamaki model. Are you sure you got the order right?"

There was a brief silence at the other end of the line. Haruhi could hear Hunny in the kitchen, glasses clinking and water running. "Yeah, I'm sure. What model did you get?"

"Ah... 'Mitsukuni Haninozuka'." She frowned. "You know, it's strange. I didn't know that any of the Companions even had last names."

Renge sucked in a sharp breath. "Haruhi-kun... they don't."

"I brought your water!" Haruhi stared at the boy who was coming around the side of the couch to stand in front of her, smiling widely.

"I'll call you back," she mumbled. Ignoring Renge's shouts, she let the receiver drop back into the cradle, taking the water and trying not to spill it everywhere. "Hunny-kun..."

He looked concerned. "What is it, Haru-chan? Do you need something else? You know what always cheers me up?" She opened her mouth to answer that no, she really didn't need anything else, but he barreled on. "A cake! I'll go make you one!"

She watched as he took off back into the kitchen, then looked down at her water. She took the asprin, draining the glass, then set it on the coffee table with a soft _clink_. Rubbing her forehead, she closed her eyes. _Just to rest. Just for a minute._

-----

When she opened them again, her eyes were bleary and she felt groggy, as if she had just awoke from a too-short nap. Frowning, she sat up a little, wondering what had woken her in the first place.

After a large crash in the kitchen, she realized what it was. "Hunny-kun!" Standing so suddenly that she was struck with dizziness for a good half-a-minute, she made her way into the kitchen. Upon seeing the damage that had been done, she was tempted to just go lie back down. Instead, she sighed.

"Hunny-kun, why is the stove on fire?"

Technically it was smoking, but from the smell (and the fire extenguisher he held) she guessed it had been on fire not too long before. He looked embarrassed, and a little upset, and she found she couldn't be mad at him. "I'm sorry, Haru-chan! I didn't know the cake would burst into flames like that!" He started crying, _real_ tears, and Haruhi almost had a heartattack. Could Companions cry? She'd never been around a model that had the propensity for it. Sighing, she placed a hand on his head in lieu of an embrace. She gave an inch, he took a mile, and grasped her around the waist, eyes scrunched shut and looking miserable.

Haruhi smoothed down his hair, resisting the urge to rest her chin on top of his head. "Hunny-kun, it's okay. I'll show you how to bake a cake so you can know for next time." He looked up at her, eyes wide and shiny. She smiled. A slow flush crept up his cheeks, but he smiled back.

It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. He was at least good at cleaning up, and she had him clear the kitchen before they started. Her headache had seemed to disappear, and the fog she woke up in scattered.

After he was done, she took out all the supplies to make a cake and showed him each step. When they slid it into the oven and closed the door, she felt it was worth it, to see him that happy. _They're so simple, so easy to please. I guess I can see why Reiko has one now._

That brought to mind something else, and she paused in her wiping down of the counter, turning to Hunny. "I almost forgot. Do you know why you have a last name?"

He looked at her, confusion warring with surprise. Confusion won out. "What do you mean, Haru-chan? _Everyone_ has a last name."

She frowned. That wasn't the answer she'd been expecting. "Hunny-kun, no other Companion has a last name. You're the only one that I know of."

Now he looked _really_ confused. "Huh? What's a Companion?"

Haruhi paled, staring at the short blond in front of her. _I got the only broken Companion ever made. I am definitely going to kill Renge._

-----

"...and that's what a Companion is." She'd taken him into the living room, explaining him the basics behind the company and the dolls while the cake baked. _Maybe his memory circuits or programming was damaged? I'll have to... ugh, actually call and talk to Kyouya. I can't dump all this on Renge, even if it is her fault._

Hunny looked as if he was digesting this information, nodding to himself and staring down at the couch. Feeling as if she'd finally gotten through to him, Haruhi let out a sigh of relief. Before she could stand, though, he looked up at her sharply, eyes narrowed. It was that _other_ expression, the one that was the complete opposite from how he usually looked, the one she'd woken up to.

"That's interesting and all, Haruhi, but I don't see what it has to do with _me_. I'm a real person, after all."

She froze, a half-smile pasted to her face and one eye twitching. _Real... person..._ Cracking slightly, she put her head in her hands and tried not to sob. Hunny grabbed one of her wrists and pressed it to his chest. "See? I have a heartbeat and everything. So I _have_ to be a real person. Only real people have hearts."

To Haruhi's shock and horror, she could feel it, beating steadily beneath her fingers. "That's- that's not possible." _No Companions have hearts! What's going on here?_ Her eyes flew up to Hunny's, her's stunned, his grim.

"This heart, it was made to beat only for you." His expression became shadowed. He leaned forward, and for a panicked moment she could have sworn he was going to kiss her. Then the timer rang, startling them both.

"I- Cake. Done." She stood up, freeing herself from his grasp, and fled the room. She'd never been so grateful for the existence of her kitchen timer in all her life.


End file.
